phantom pain

Family is a funny thing. Ever since I was a kid, I found it odd that there was this group of people, seemingly random, whom you were expected to form intimate connections with and sustain fierce loyalty to for no other reason than that you related (belonging to the same family, group, or type). Perhaps it only seems odd because family isn't usually a group you easily connect with, despite (or because of) the time you've spent with each other.

The only thing about my family, at present, which really annoys me is how difficult it is to shift their perceptions of me. I'm sure it's a story which resonates with other people too: go to college, and finally start to realize a shift in ideas, personality, etc. which has begun in high school but remained hidden until now. And then you go home, and everyone treats you exactly the same. And pretty soon, you start acting the same.

This is especially true of my siblings (...I wonder if they read this?). I love 'em to death, but it can be the hardest thing in the world convincing Mason and Christina that I'm not the same kid they've known since I was born. Life, as I said before, is one big life-changing event: but when you're with someone for a very long time, it can be near impossible to see the change in them. And when they're gone for a while and come back, sometimes you fully reject whatever change they've made. For the record, I'm sure I'm guilty of the same thing with both of them, but they have the luxury of not caring about my opinion too much (me being the youngest).

All this to say, family can sometimes be kinda annoying. And it took me a little while to realize why God makes a big deal about loving them so much. It has to do with chance. Or rather, the lack thereof.

When you think about, the one thing in your life you have the absolute least control over is your family. There is nothing I could do, can do, or can ever do to exclude someone from my family. I can try, I can never speak to them again if I wanted, but they're still my family. My parents are always my parents. And if you chalk up who your parents are to chance, I think you're missing something kinda special in all this.

This is one thing in life which you can have no doubt was orchestrated by God.

Obviously, theologically many make the point that everything is orchestrated by God, and in some ways I agree (not today's discussion). But the only force which controlled who your parents were is God - there can be absolutely no argument for any other intervention. So you know that God had a purpose in pairing you with them - and with your siblings. Kinda neat, huh?

All this is precursor to what I wanted to write about: death.

I am a very happy individual, I promise! But for some reason, death has been on the mind leading up to Christmas. It's not quite the right season, but there's not a lot of control over that sort of thing. Death is just...on the mind.

Anyways, I'm staying in Gainesville right now with my grandparents, and earlier today my grandpa was driving me into town to grab a bite to eat. We were casually chatting, and I asked "Papa, how's Granny doing?".

Granny, my great-grandmother, died in March of this year.

Thankfully I only nearly asked this question, as the word "Papa" had just entered my mouth when I startled myself by what I was about to ask. I quickly covered it up, but the feeling stuck with me. Why did I do that? I know Granny is dead...I was at the funeral and everything.

I started thinking about my other great-grandparents, all of whom have passed away. How long did it take me to not casually wonder about them? To actually fully realize they were gone?

Great-grandparents are the closest family I've ever lost, but I think I'm describing, from a distance, "phantom pain" of loss. Phantom pain is that curious phenomenon where your brain thinks it's getting signals from a lost, or sometimes non-existant, body part. Think of a leg amputee, reaching down to scratch an itch which isn't there.

When you lose family, your brain goes on like everything's normal, giving you false signals, because it takes a while to realize that they're gone.

This scares me, actually. This is how I best relate to people who fear commitment, because I can't imagine the pain of committing to someone so strongly that they're like another part of you, firmly and fully attached, and then one day they're just gone. You can't help that feeling with your immediate family, whom you've spent your entire life with. But what about a spouse? Or a close friend? When you actively make someone so much a part of you that they're in your "family", losing them would be amputation.

There's no savvy point today: just kinda what's on my mind.

put the signs away

Quite unfortunately, I don't know any (openly) gay people. This is unfortunate because, in my eyes, it means I've failed at a key aspect of life: getting to know people - all kinds of people. It doesn't seem like there was any person Jesus wasn't willing to get acquainted with.

The other reason I wish I had a gay friend is because there is no single group of people, with the possible exception of Muslims, who have been more persecuted by Christians acting in the name of God. To this end, I understand that, if one group needs to know the love Christians should be applying, and not the hate they often fling, that group is probably gays.

"Gay rights" is a very hot-topic issue today in America. On the one hand, you have liberals/democrats getting mad that anyone would condone not giving rights to homosexuals, and claiming that homosexuality is not a decision but an inborn trait. On the other hand, you have equally mad conservatives/republicans claiming that homosexuals should be denied the right to marry (among others), that homosexuality is a negative choice, and (among a few radicals) that the "rise in homosexuals" will lead to the destruction of America, the end of christian morales as we know it, and probably the end of the world.

This has always been quite confusing for me.

The confusion arises from the fact that neither of those viewpoints sounds particularly appealing, or God-like, to me. The liberals are making the claim that homosexuality is not a choice and perfectly fine...and I honestly can't agree with that. But the conservatives are making the claim that homosexuals should be denied rights, and treat them as though they are evil, which seems kinda like persecution to me. And Jesus never persecuted people (see last entry). So what to do?

I choose to love.

But, in love, disagree.

...what does that mean? Well, the way I see it, it's a absolutely ridiculous to take rights, any rights, away from homosexuals, on the basis that we need go keep our nation's morality. This is a case of operating from incorrect assumptions: the idea that our nation is already "Christian" isn't true. That's why the founding fathers didn't make a national church, or a national religion. Here, we guarantee freedom. It's why Christians can worship free of persecution.

But Christians can't then get mad when Muslims worship in America. Similarly, they can't get mad if homosexuals want to marry. It makes little sense that you would deny them this legal right, because it's the same legal right Christians can enjoy. We have to accept that we don't live in a "Christian nation", but rather in a "free nation". Trying to make it officially Christian will do no good. It's not, I think, what God would want.

Further, I find it baffling that Christians so strongly focus on homosexuals anyways. Do you remember that passage were Jesus said "Homosexuals are the worst of all: to them, I command you all to throw stones until they accept the faith." ... neither do I. Paul makes the point that we should flee from sexual immorality, as it is especially easy to get trapped in, but a) the verse is written in a personal context, not really to be applied to others, and b) why is homosexuality suddenly the only sexual sin?!

I'm serious, this bugs me way more than almost any flaw of the conservative church/media: why are pornography, lust, and extramarital sex all suddenly "bad", but not so heinous as homosexuality?

Frankly, it's because those are things that many, many Christians struggle with. And God-forbid we cast ourselves in the same lot as homosexuals. I've heard it said, "yeah, but homosexuality is a 'life style sin'" (whatever that is). Apparently this person has never heard of pornography-addiction, or doesn't understand the amount of casual lust and extramarital sex people engage in.

Is homosexuality wrong? Yes. It is, fundamentally, a sin. An act against God and nature, just like lying, and adultery, and pornography. Would I ever vote in favor of legally banning homosexuals from rights which I enjoy? Never.

P.S. And for the love of God (seriously), put the signs away.

victory/sweet revenge

Yes, this is late. Very. I'm sorry! I think we're going to change the updating schedule from "once every two days" to "when I feel like it", with a minimum of at least once a week. Sorry, but otherwise I'm just not going to keep up.

Anyways, no use dwelling on past mistakes. Let's continue on:

Quick, what is the opposite of violence?

...

The first thing I thought of was love. Violence is "behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill something or someone" (Apple's definition). Love is "the act of caring for something or someone else more than oneself" (my definition). Hurt versus care. Damage versus bless. Pain versus pleasure.

Death versus life.

Is violence ever justified?

(holy crap big question)

Before we launch into that, there's a very important issue of discussion we must address. We are operating under man-rules. Not God-rules. We are not gods. What does that mean?

Well, one of the problems with these discussions is that people often use the excuse "God did it" as justification for why we can do something. God is God - He is infallible and perfect. His decision is always right.

We are man.

If you make the argument that because God has ordered something be done we have the privilege of making the same decision, things can get kinda sticky fast. This means that man can officially forgive other men of all their sins, and grant them entrance into heaven. This means that man can claim to be God with no repercussions. This means that man can bring judgement on other men, contradicting what James writes at the end of his book.

This pushes man into the position of God. And we are not gods.

With that in mind, we plunge ahead. There are many, many problems I have with the idea of warfare, but let's stick to just three.

1) Basic logic.

2) America.

3) Faith.

1:

War is logically flawed. It is innate, yes, as much as is pride or envy. It is part of our basic nature that, when we've been hurt, we want to hurt. We like revenge. We even occasionally give it a false title: justice. But it is logically flawed.

Consider, for a moment, the idea of it all. We've been hurt, so we hurt them. But we're never content to deal out the same damage, so we do more. We show them. We teach them. We get our victory, our sweet revenge.

And we have become the monster.

So they lash back. And they hurt us even harder. And we lash back at them. And soon everyone is hurt.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

2:

War is based on one thing: judgement. Judgement in saying "you have done a deed so heinous, you don't deserve to live" (much like the death sentence).

Let's be clear: it shouldn't matter what the deed is. I hope everyone (or every Christian, anyways) can agree that sheer "patriotism", expanding the borders and power of the United States of America, is a pathetic excuse for killing. The idea that our country is better because the founders had "Christian values" (they really didn't) is ridiculous. The idea that our country is better because the majority of people in it claim to be Christians is equally ridiculous. The idea that our country is better because it's a democracy is foolish. The Bible clearly indicates that God's people should answer to a higher Kingdom than any of this earth. He was to be Israel's King. He is to be our only King, master of the only Kingdom we should care about.

God is not American.

That out of the way, what about things that really shouldn't go unpunished? Actual crimes against humanity (though usually that reads "crimes against us")? 9/11 and what-not.

This leads us into...

3:

God can handle it.

Seriously, He really can. Jesus told us we needed to keep (at minimum) only two things in mind: 1) We are to give God our "everything": heart, soul, strength and mind. 2) After that, we are to love everyone. Care for everyone more than ourselves. If we follow those (the greatest commandments), God can take care of the rest.

Examine that second statement for a minute. How would executing Osama Bin-Laden satisfy it? How did sentencing Nazis to death satisfy it?

Jesus wanted us to love everyone, and let God take care of the punishment. Vengeance is His. When you decide that another human being deserves to die because of a crime they committed, you are saying, "God, I know you told us to love our enemies, to turn the other cheek, but in this instance, I think you're wrong. It would serve you better to disobey, and take matters into my hands. I know it wouldn't be very loving to kill this person, but that's the only option left."

Read this very carefully: God can do anything.

You've heard it a million times (probably) since you first walked into Sunday School. But think about it.

God can do anything.

God could end the Nazi regime while everyone in the world just tried to love them.

God could (will) bring Osama Bin-Laden to justice even if every Christian is praying for his safety. Even if every Christian is loving him. And maybe because of.

Think about it, for a second. What is more effective: A defiant man being killed for a crime he refuses to admit was evil? Or a hollow, humbled man, feeling the rawness of his evil, of his need for God. Hopefully you've been there (it's a place called redemption).

War begets war begets war. Pain begets pain begets pain. Death begets death begets death. Unless we love. Unless we break the cycle.

I'm sure many in the world disagree with me, and if you do, come have tea (really). We'll talk about it. I'm bored anyways.

Until next time.

(Edit: Go read the comments, Michael brought a big problem with this post)

my manifesto

part one

It is all about God.

This is the beginning statement, because all else flows from it. It is not about individuals. It is not about the good of mankind. It is not about heaven or hell.

It is all about God.

Everything in this world, everything we've ever seen (or will see), everyone we've ever known (or will know), all in this life and the next is all about God.

So what about this God?

Everything is about Him because He created everything to worship Him. He is ultimate good, and His creation was ultimately perfect for His worship. He made man, in His image, as a capstone, a jewel on top of His new crown, there to bring Him the ultimate glory. Man would love and serve and worship God, and God would love man and provide all for Him. Everything was as it should be.

Man used one of God's greatest gifts of love, free will, to turn on God. To try and make things not about God, but about man. And ever since we've been fallen. We can still meet God in this life, yes, but not the way it was intended. Not the beautiful, perfect friendship. Just mere communication at most, a small taste of the ocean of quenching love that is God. That was what we had to settle for.

And God, being perfect, waited until the perfect moment. A moment which would define all of time in this creation He had made. A moment which those before looked forward to, and those after it look back on. A moment when He re-established the connection.

He came down. He stepped into the bonds of time, into the cursed dirt that is our fallen world, as His only Son. This Son was tasked with re-establishing the connection. This son is God, incarnate in human form. He didn't just accomplish His task: He went above and beyond. The world has never been the same since, because every single person can now have the connection again. Can now know God like we were supposed to.

Cut to today.

Jesus left time many years ago. The Holy Spirit is God's incarnation on earth, and He continues the story began in Creation. He knew we needed something concrete, though: something tangible to hold us over until He returned. The Holy Spirit could satisfy all our needs if we accept Him, but some would not accept Him without first reading. And no one could accept Him completely, perfectly. We needed something solid.

God gave us His "Word". A book (well, sixty-six books) containing everything we needed in concrete form from God. A small snippet of the story, the beginning through the re-connection, to help guide us along the continuation. Guide us towards the final fulfillment, when every knee will bow and every tongue confess that God is everything. How beautiful that will be.

Everything is about God.

part two

All truth is not contained in the Word, but the Word is entirely made up of truth. And important truth, at that: it contains everything God wants to be concrete. Everything God wants us to have as "solid", as tangible spiritually and physically. So the Word is ultimately worthy of study, of analysis, of dissection, of reading and re-reading and re-reading again. It is multi-faceted. It was made immediately by man, and is thus bound as is man: by time, and language, and culture. But it was breathed by God, and is thus limitless as is God. It speaks to all time, and through all language, and despite all culture. Reading it, one must keep both aspects in mind. It was written by imperfect human beings. It was breathed by a perfect God.

It is a living thing, constantly changing in how it relates and how it reads. A 1st Century Roman Centurion would have read its books differently than a 21st Century teenager. God speaks through it to both of them. One figure in it, though, is particularly universal. One figure seems to relate as much to us, sitting at our computers on this day 2000 years afterwards, as He did to the crowd of people sitting around Him all those years ago. God's only Son, Jesus. And boy, did He blow people's minds then and now.

God's character was infinitely touchable now. Not since Adam and Eve had human beings, in this life, been able to physically listen to God like this, eat with God like this, live with God like this. And the best part is, it was recorded down for us to see and read and probe as well. And what a character.

Jesus today, as then, challenges every assumption we have about life. Reading His words plainly, thinking as little as possible about all the fluff that's been built up since, it becomes very clear why this man turned heads. He was ultimately selfless. Which didn't mean He was only concerned with helping out the poor. He was concerned with everyone. Poor beggars, rich tax collectors, Roman guards and Jewish priests. Kings and lepers. The men throwing stones and the woman being stoned. Prostitutes and partiers, noble men and pagans. No man, woman, or child escaped His endless love. Even in the middle of giving the ultimate sacrifice, He pleaded on the behalf of those torturing Him. They could not escape His love either.

And less than 400 years later, people were killing people in His name.

part three

Something creeped in. Something dark and evil and full of human ambition and desire and lacking completely in "Everything is God".

In what can only be described as the most desensitizing, gut-wrenching, and horrible rape in history, evil men (who resemble all of us at some level) took this beautiful thing, this holy church, this amazing gift of God, and used it for themselves. For political power. For money. For earthly possessions. And God let the "official" church fall. And fall. And fall.

And fall.

But the story continued. The Church of God, a collection of left-overs and peons in the world's eyes, remained. And so remains to this day. Traditionally, they haven't been popular. Often, they haven't really been organized. They were in this world, but not of it. Foreigners, really. They needed no institution or building to recognize each other. They were the ones putting God first, above everything else. And putting others, all others, second. And they exist to this day.

I count myself a member of this group. The Kingdom of God, incarnate on earth. A loose collection of individuals making up a body. People whose primary goal is to love, as Jesus loved. First God. Then everyone else on the entire planet. We recognize the existence of the earthly church. And one of our primary goals is to convert them. Not through hating, or shouting, or sign-holding or anything even resembling a creation of man. Through loving. Through the ultimate of God's creation, and gift. We don't always do it perfectly, but we set our heart towards that goal. We press on. We endure, knowing our God is more powerful than anything in this world or the next.

This is my public declaration of policy and aim: my manifesto. I pray you hold me to it.

don't forget grace

I'm sorry. I'm human, and I have failed at maintaining this every two days (at least). Stuff came up. Gainesville, then a Costello party (crazy), then homework, then Halo (they're not all good excuses...). Basically, I couldn't write again until today. Hope you're still reading though, and stay tuned because next time I'm rolling around a manifesto...more on that later. For now, enjoy this short clip of my mind running around looking for that ethereal gasp of air known as "sense".

Tonight I was eating in the school cafeteria when nearby some girls dropped their food.Technically speaking, it was an accident; insofar as they did not intentionally drop food, drink, and cutlery. From their immense, ear-piercing laughter and shrill giddiness though, I knew everyone around me was thinking the same thing: annoying drunk or just plain annoying. Worst yet, they simply stood up and moved to the next booth, neglecting to address the mess at all. Everyone around stared for a moment more, then returned to their food, sighing in a sad wish for justice.

Justice, to me anyways, meaning that they had to clean up the mess they had made (for starters). I was also envisioning some amazing incident with the cafeteria staff, complete with a harsh take-down, a command to clean it up herself, and ending in an embarrassing draw of applause from all the students in the lunch room. That would show her.

As I daydreamed this through my head, the moment came up. One of the cleaning staff, a black woman in her mid-30s who looked suitable for the task of "taking down", walked up to the mess and looked at it for a moment. To my surprise, the girl who had spilled it stood up and acknowledged it was her fault (trying to hold back laughter), quietly muttering sorry in between her giggles.

The setup was perfect. I sat with baited breath, waiting for the confrontation to play out and for the cold dish of justice to be served (pun fully intended).

"It's alright, I'll clean it up for you," the staff woman said, with a kindly smile on her lips.

...

What?! Where was the shouting? The "take-down"? The embarrassment? The lesson learned, the point made, the feeling you get when someone gets what they deserve? The justice?!

I realized at that moment how grace tends to seriously mess up concepts like "justice".

By "realized", I mean that this concept had been floating in my head for quite some time. It'd even been explicitly expressed once or twice, but this particularly moment impacted me greatly, because I was on the side screaming for blood. I felt wronged, I saw the need for justice, and I didn't even consider grace, which made things quite jarring when grace was so handily delivered. I had to stop and take a deep breath and realize that the right thing had been done.

Or had it?

By the time I had left the cafeteria and walked back to my room, my head was spinning. Ever since I was a little kid, adults have drilled two characteristics into my head as being ultimate in necessity: Godliness and fairness/justice. These two things were what we aspire to, and were really represented as God and United States of America. God provides the Godliness and our government provides the peace-keeping and justice.

And now these two ideas were in direct opposition to me.

The more I think about it, the crazier it gets. What does justice mean anyways? The Bible says we should do justice, love mercy. How does that work?

And then I snapped back to Jesus-"You have heard it said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'. But I say, don't resist the evil man. Instead, if they slap you on the right cheek, turn the other." (Matthew 5:28, in the "Jon's Memory" translation).

I put forth that the definition of justice nailed into us from a young age entirely sucks (to quoth the vernacular). The whole process, looking back on it, is not unlike propaganda. I sincerely remember, as a younger child, asking (perhaps vocally but more likely mentally) why we kill people who murder when the Bible says to love your enemies.

I'm going to cover this more thoroughly in my next entry, a manifesto. To quickly give you a taste of what's to come: it makes me sad watching grown Christians, whom I love and respect and sincerely believe have a deep and powerful walk with Christ worm their way out of this. "The word for 'kill' and 'murder' is different," ... "Jesus was just using an example, killing murderers serves the greater good." ...we'll save it for next time.

For now, the point to get across is this: Jesus was focused on grace. On loving people, and not screaming for our idea of "justice". Did He care about Justice? Absolutely. But He didn't walk up to Zaccheus and shout at him, demanding that he pay people back, rebuking him strongly, belittling him and taking away his dignity. He befriended him. He made him believe. And Zaccheus gave back out of his own heart, his own new Kingdom understanding of what's just.

Jesus told us to follow his example. And he lived on earth by grace. And God grants us life and love and Himself, everyday, by grace. Because we've all sinned, and fallen short.

So long until next time, once again sorry for the delay. The next one should be a biggie...Stay tuned!

rattle and hum

First things first, a little confession or two. Not everything you're reading is entirely original - I mean this in two different ways. Firstly, I'm lifting many of these entries from a memoir I once began but never got around too finishing...it provides a nice fallback for updating a blog every other day (though so far only the first post was from the failed memoir). Secondly, and probably more importantly, everything you're reading here is just my outlook on life, and my outlook has been profoundly influenced by multiple people and authors. Just for quick reference, if you need some good Christian junk to read, definitely go check out Shane Claiborne, Rob Bell, Donald Miller, and John Piper. It definitely looks like I'm just name-dropping, but in all honesty I've read only one book from Claiborne and Piper, one-and-a-half from Donald Miller, and two from Rob Bell. Please recommend other material for me to read! (I do plan on reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love, since everyone and their mother has recommended it. Twice.)

Okay, so for today, what to write about? Michael dared me to be happy with my blog for one day (since apparently so far it's been bleak, depressing, dismal, somber, and just plain sad),so I'll write about something that is very happy (to me)...

Did you ever have something that you really, really loved? Like a movie, song, book or whatever; anything that connects with you on a super deep level. You cherish that thing so much; it's just a perfect representation of some emotion or moment or memory.

For me, this perfectly describes U2's concert film "Rattle and Hum". Way back when it was released, the critics gave it a mediocre response, and the film's financial failings led to Bono famously stating onstage that the band had to go "dream it all up again". But I love Rattle and Hum. The film is shown mostly in black and white, which instantly kicks 99% of the eighties-ness out the door. The other 1%, present as occasional slow-mo moments and (very) questionable hair and clothing choices leads to more than a little criticism from my friends (particularly the music snob, who interestingly doesn't comment on the music all that much).

Despite this, I still love Rattle and Hum.

I don't know why, but there are moments in this film which connect with me emotionally and spiritually (more on that in a second) so, so much. It's the passion behind the band, the beauty behind the music, the flawlessly portrayed chaos and rawness of the film making. There are moments like a cameraman rushing across stage in the middle of the climax of "Where the Streets Have No Name". It's not flashy or fake, but real and intimate and you feel like you are onstage with U2 because you really are onstage with U2 during one of the more amazing performances of their lives. No one, not even them, understood then how big it all was.

...clearly, I am in love with this film. And hearing people criticize it can be downright painful. My music snob friend sneers at Bono's outfit, gawks at the band's seeming self-inflation, and laughs at every stage antic. He actually likes some of U2's music (snobs say that about almost any band), but this he just doesn't get. No matter what I tell him: and sometimes I struggle not to punch him in the face.

I cherish this thing so much, and one of the reasons (as I said before) was that it spiritually connects with me very, very strongly. If you're an extremely conservative Christian, this might be going off the deep end a bit, but it's something I realized makes life so beautiful: truth, beauty, and spirituality can (and does) exist outside of Christianity. Not outside of God, outside of Christianity.

U2 is not a "Christian" band. Rattle and Hum is not a Christian movie. There are moments in it which would make many Christians I know shudder: twice the band uses profanity (when Adam states that the idea of not mixing music and politics is bullshit, and when Bono famously goes off on his anti-IRA speech in the middle of Sunday Bloody Sunday, finally shouting "Fuck the revolution!"). Neither of those, to me anyways, are a big deal though: frankly, I think it highlights people's willingness to take a profanity out of context of why it was stated. Should they have cursed? I really don't know, but since some people probably wouldn't even like seeing the words written here on this blog (which is taking it way out of context), I assume some people would object.

...I meant to write about something else. We'll return to the profanity discussion another time.

The point is, I had a spiritual moment, in which I think God worked and moved through something not explicitly "Christian". I found God somewhere else. Lots of Christians get hung up on only looking for God in the same places...but if you accept that God is living and moving, and accept that all people have a spiritual side to them, then it makes perfect sense that you could have a spiritual moment outside of Christianity, just as a non-Christian can have a spiritual moment at all. Is it a "complete" moment? The way I see it, a Christian experiencing a spiritual moment is just like a non-Christian experiencing a spiritual moment, except the Christian knows where to trace it back to. The non-Christian still gets the full experience, but unless they know God they can't thank anyone for it, and they can't find the ultimate source of it.

A lot of this, if I'm honest, is mostly just theory to back up an existing fact - why I have so many spiritual moments out in nature, at rock concerts, in movies, and with friends at not-Christian events. It always left distaste in my mouth when Christians simply disregarded non-Christian's spiritual moments as something not connected to God, or non-existent. Just watch an Arcade Fire concert and tell me there's not some sort of spiritual happening taking place.

God is everywhere. And sometimes, we don't realize that he can appear to any person however he wants. Through a secular album, through nature, through the Bible and through Rattle and Hum. To be clear, this isn't universalism - you shouldn't put faith in Nature anymore than you should trust the cell phone to call you when you're lonely. This is general revelation and omnipresence: God is everywhere, and God reveals himself in many ways. Ultimately, God reveals himself through his Word and through his Son, but we can't discount the existence of general revelation.

Anyways...I recognize this might be really controversial, and I pray you all understood what I wrote the way I intended. If you disagree, though, leave a comment! There's a 99% chance I'll answer and a .5% chance I'll bring you tea because of it...what's there to lose?

(: Thanks for reading...until some other time...

shady bathrooms

So...I wasn't supposed to post until Wednesday. But it's my blog, and I said "at least every two days" I would post - if you're disturbed by the sudden appearance of an early post, feel free to come by my dorm and I'll make you my best tea for compensation (seriously). On to today's tale (alliteration aside)...

There are at least two great mysteries which have surrounded women's bathrooms for me since I was a little kid. Firstly, what exactly is in there? I always imagined (don't know why) pink walls, a certain rosy pleasant scent, and maybe a kind woman there handing out chocolates or something. There must be something exciting because (leading into mystery #2) girls seem to love going there in groups. Is it moral support? Is there some party in there we don't know about? I suspect I will take these questions to my grave.

But I digress - today I spent a brief time in the bathroom of the upstanding Fresh Food, Inc. establishment, during which I had the not-too-small fear that I might be mugged. Shady bathrooms have always been a thing for me; really, you don't want to use them, but it's a 20 minute walk back to your dorm, and your body apparently has no sense of self-preservation. Not that I haven't had my fair share of shady bathrooms: realistically, every guys bathroom which is frequented by the public is going to have a level of shadiness to it. The toilet paper on the floor, the liquid flowing around which you hope (pray, really) is just water, the graffiti which I'm sure someone who's not me can actually read, the flickering lights...class act stuff. The best characterization of shady bathrooms is "dirty". And maybe "scary".

The only thing worse than merely using a shady bathroom is encountering someone in it. I'm there washing my hands in peace when suddenly I hear the door open. Instantly, my mind runs through every news story I've ever heard/read of people getting murdered in bathrooms. I check the mirror quickly, but the guy is already past me and in a stall. A slight sense of panic ensues, and I hasten to finish washing my hands, noting the lack of soap or towels. I rush out, my hands dripping, thankful that I don't have to face what might be the most miserable death I can imagine.

That probably sounds a bit...hyperbolic. Or just insane. But honestly, sometimes that's just where my mind runs - right to the absolute worst case scenario.

Really, way too much of my life is spent in that state. Constantly judging people, analyzing motives, assuming that just because someone could be a murderer they probably are. This gets kinda crippling after a while, because my brain just lets it keep on going past real problems into not-problems.

For example, the other day in church (Wesley Foundation...you should go check it out) we were in the middle of "meet 'n greet" time (I'm sure it's actually called something else). They had this at my old church too, where in the middle of the service the worship leader says "stand up and greet your neighbor with the love of God" or something like that.

I never really liked this part of the service; in fact, I grew to despise it. I used to think I hated it because of the short time they give you, just enough time to say "Good morning, how are you?" to someone and then turn away before they can answer. That's not really "greeting with the love of God"...it's kind of like acknowledging someone's existence. But Wesley Foundation is fantastic in that they give you 10 freaking minutes for greeting (...probably around 5 or 6, really, but it feels like 10). This should've solved my problem, right?

Well, it turns out that I was completely wrong. I didn't hate "meet 'n greet" because of the short time allotted.

I hate it because I live in a shady bathroom.

In the shady bathroom, you're never quite sure if the some other person is going to be your new BFF, or the unexpected new owner of your wallet and iPhone. And being the brilliant people we are, we split the difference and decide just not to find out. We (I) run away to comfortable places where we don't have to go through the stress and hard work of getting to know someone.

This is one of the places where Jesus really made a big deal: our perception of the world shouldn't be that of some big shady bathroom. We shouldn't live in fear, but go out and preach the gospel to the nations, knowing that ultimate authority on heaven and earth is backing us up. A big part of the gospel is community...we really should be more than willing to form communities with everyone around us, least of all Christians.

This is quite condemning for me because I'm a self-called "shadow church-goer". I don't get involved in events very much, don't commit to doing any church functions (outside of music), and really would rather I didn't have to do anything except soak in the lessons and occasionally play bass. But it seems to me like Jesus would rather I started interacting with other people more like they were people, and less like they were potential muggers.

I once heard it expertly summarized as so: Jesus was prepared for people's worst but assumed their best. It's the "benefit of the doubt", really. And let's be honest: the "benefit of the doubt" is one of God's greatest gifts to us.

...I think tomorrow something happy will be posted (Michael accused me of being too depressing). Be excited! Until sometime later...

the elections

One post in and someone has already called me on not meeting deadlines. Sometimes inspiration hits, and sometimes it loiters just beyond reach, laughing at you as your mind runs in circles, never quite reaching out and grasping it.

There are a plethora of topics to discuss here, and I pray you'll forgive me if the apparent themes from the last post are not explicitly continued in the next: my mind (like my life) doesn't always run in a thematic straight line. Honestly, I find it way cooler when I come across some insight and realize how it applied five years ago, so this will (hopefully) work out.

This being election day, I can't help but consider, once again (probably too many times in my friends' opinions), the role of Christians in their government. Especially in the midst of a rather bleak political outlook.

Not that I mean to be particularly depressing, but elections have always had that effect on me, for many, many, many reasons. Between the largely sensationalist news stories and political ads ("This guy's daughter is a prostitute! He must be a terrible person!") and the incredibly selfish position Americans seem to always take ("Will he lower my taxes? Will she give me better healthcare?"), there's not a lot of joy for me in this time of year. About the only thing I can think about is how Christ told us to love our enemies, to be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves, and to treat our neighbors as ourselves. Which would look crazy politically, right?

As a kid, it was always hard to imagine Jesus as "radical" (mostly because, well, I didn't know him well). In fact, the only way I did know him was through the people teaching me about him, my parents, sunday school teachers etc. Absolutely no offense towards those people (their love of the Lord has influenced me more than I probably understand), but they didn't always get the whole "radical" idea across to me. To a little kid (or anyone who hasn't, in my opinion, really gotten to know Christ in scriptures), it's hard to imagine Christ as radical; especially when the entire "conservative" group of people in America keep going on about him. These are the people who want things to stay the same, the way things were: how radical is that?

But when I delve into it, I find a Jesus who actually doesn't seem to agree with liberals or conservatives. I find a Jesus who very clearly stated that He was God, that everyones' life was of utmost value and importance, that we shouldn't be hating people who don't love God or don't follow in His ways but loving them instead...I'm pretty sure if Jesus came here today everyone would have a bone to pick with him (what an amazing conversation that would be..."The only way to God? Don't you mean, one of the only ways?", and "But Jesus, I worked for my money: they're supposed to as well, right? Why would I give my possessions to them when they can build their own life, just like mine?").

Jesus really was (is) radical.

...what were we talking about again?

Oh right, the elections. I'm not going to be voting (my opinion is grossly under-informed due to my complete ignorance that elections are today), but if you do, I encourage you firstly to remember that politicians are human beings. Barack Obama is not the messiah, nor is he the antichrist. He is a fallen human being, just like you and me. If he's found God, great! If he hasn't, all the more reason to be loving. Can you disagree with him, or others? Sure. But lovingly, as innocent as a dove (here's lookin' at you, sign-holders).

Secondly, remember that no politician really has everything figured out. Voting for conservatives is not going to bring America back to her "moral fibers" (...we'll talk later about the veracity of that phrase), and voting for liberals is not going to eradicate homelessness, poverty and destruction of liberty.

The most you can do is vote being God's hands as they influence America. That you can definitely do, because God certainly has people he wants to raise up as leaders. Just don't try to find his will with pre-conceived notions (who knows, God may want you to vote for that crazy liberal after all!).

...on that note, bed-time. Sorry if this is a very disjointed post, I really do want to meet my every two-day commitment and I had to finish this pretty quickly. Until Thursday...

(p.s. many of these ideas unashamedly ripped off of Vance Reins (sp?), the phenomenally great Pastor at FSU's Wesley Foundation; go listen to him sometime)

the perfect title

Seeing a blog entitled "snow" probably gives you the same feeling I get when I see some hippie twenty year old with an acoustic guitar introduce his next song titled "Water" or "Run" or some equally vague and emotional sounding cliché. For that reason, I promise I will steer clear of all the crap people usually talk about when writing about snow and life (and will never, ever mention the fact that every snow flake is different...I'm still not sure I buy that.)

In fact, the only reason why "snow" seemed like a good title is because of a pivotal event in my life dealing with the frozen precipitation. I was on a mission trip with my high school, based in Tallahassee, Florida. We were up in North Carolina helping out where we could, and came back from a particular outing...

Actually, this is probably a good place to interject something: I have this inescapable feeling that I cannot really convey myself as adequately as I should. Or, no one will "get" this. Life changing events aren't easily relatable: if they were, lives would be changing a lot more (if you've ever tried explaining your favorite concert to someone who wasn't there, you know what I mean).

And my life to now has been one big life-changing event.

So why am I trying?

Frankly, I don't know yet. Maybe when (if?) I finish this, I will...but for now, I'm just trusting (a big part of this life-changing event) that this will work out. If reading something created with little purpose freaks you out, by all means get out now.

Anyways, we returned to our temporary home from mission work one night and found snow everywhere, blanketing the ground just like you'd imagine in some Christmas special from when you were a kid. We spent hours in the snow, fighting and making angels and laughing and meeting snow men. This was it.

Why is it I remembered snow more than the "God moments"?

Why is it snow stuck in my memory more than the hours of heartfelt worship afterwards, the prayer, the joy, even the sorrow?

Was God in the snow?

Do you think that's the dumbest question you've ever heard?

...we'll get to that later. Assuming I actually do fulfill my promise of updating this every two days (craziness!). If you stick around, I sincerely hope you get something out of this. If you love or hate everything you've read, feel free to message me! So long until Monday.